I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
