we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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