we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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