VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My penis needs a shock collar
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
