clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
