He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
