no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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