this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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