see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
