My brain says no but my pants say off.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
