Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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