Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
