Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
