so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
