you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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