drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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