So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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