I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
