i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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