it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
