I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
