Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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