But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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