My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
