I accidentally burped into my bong.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
