PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize