I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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