you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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