Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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