biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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