my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
