dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
