I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
