Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
