I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
