Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
