As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
