My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
