If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i came on her dog
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
