I cannot find my penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
