We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
