I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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