he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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