One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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