Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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