I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
