I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
