oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
