i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
