You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
