I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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