WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
