i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
