Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
