All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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