the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
