we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
