i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Couch. On fire.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
