she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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