so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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