I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize