Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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