I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
