we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
3pm strippers are depressing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
