Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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