I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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