Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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