He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're too hungover to prance.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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