so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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