Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found puke in my bra..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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