Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
