I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
