I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
