Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
