He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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