So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
