What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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