yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
