Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
