so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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