thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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