My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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